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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27459265">A fantasy of blasphemy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neisseria_Meningitidis/pseuds/Neisseria_Meningitidis'>Neisseria_Meningitidis</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Animal Death, Being the sword saint sucks, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Child!Felt, Child!Reinhard, Child!Subaru, Divine punishment, Felt likes troubles, Gen, GuiltxGuilt, Kids doing kids stuff, Minor Character Death, Mostly Reinhard POV, Reinhard thinks he is a monster, Rom tries his best, Subaru is not a crybaby, What do you do when you're nine and you have world ending power?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:27:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,874</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27459265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neisseria_Meningitidis/pseuds/Neisseria_Meningitidis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nine years old Reinhard escapes adult supervision and makes a couple of strange friends. Playing with his new friends is a new world of happiness for Reinhard but reality soon caught up to him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>158</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Snitches get stitches</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sitting all day in a large room full of jaded adults was a grueling task, and nine years old Reinhard was bored out of his mind. An unknown number of noblemen and women were virtually queuing in front of him, hoping to win his favors with mundane praises or expensive gifts. <br/>After all, having the hypothetical strongest man in the world in your pocket can’t hurt? Using your influence to shape his easily malleable mind, his naive juvenile mind is only natural. It’s either that or let your rival snatch the prize and win the game. </p>
<p>Reinhard was not impressed, he wasn’t impressed when he was five and he doubted he would ever be. He knew all of them were out for themselves, and he couldn’t blame them. That was objectively the best course of action to uphold their family status. They were fighting to protect their lifestyle, ensure their children's social security, and keep their assets away from hostile noble fellows. </p>
<p>Still, sitting for hours in a chair (which was way too high for his little legs) to let strangers feed him sweet lies, was a chore. Especially with his father standing right behind him, looming over him, watching him like a hawk. He could hear his father rolling his eyes every time someone complimented him. Reinhard didn’t need to see his father's face to feel his ire. 'Annoyed' was his father's default state, Reinhard learned long ago to stop asking what he did to anger his father. His father wouldn’t answer, but the reason was transparent: Reinhard being Reinhard was the only explanation needed.  </p>
<p>Reinhard being Reinhard was already the biggest offense in his father’s eyes. </p>
<p>	“That’s enough.” It was already noon, this masquerade has been going on for 4 hours and Heinkel had enough. </p>
<p>Grabbing his son by the arm, they unceremoniously exited the meeting room. Reinhard didn’t resist and let himself be dragged like a ragdoll by his father. His wrist hurt but it didn’t matter, he could easily stop his father dead in his tracks but it didn’t matter either. He didn’t have the strength to speak up and he didn’t have the right to. </p>
<p>Reinhard being Reinhard is enough of a reason to be treated roughly. </p>
<p>Throwing his son into a bedroom, Heinkel closed the door behind him without looking back. He wasn’t sure it was his son's assigned room and he didn’t care. Their kind hosts at the capital city were so desperate to please that they would act as if. Leaving the in-town mansion, Heinkel went to the nearest drinking place. </p>
<p>God, he needed a drink. </p>
<p>That masquerade has been nauseating, seeing noble nobodies whoring themselves to a child king... was exhausting. His son barely reacted anyway, not letting his polite smile whiter. Who can keep smiling for 4 hours straight? Reinhard could, and he would have continued to do so for hours and even days if told so. It was obvious that the child couldn’t tire or err and Heinkel wondered if he could even feel. <br/>Reinhard didn’t ask for his own mother even once after she fell into her deep sleep. Reinhard didn’t shed a single tear after his grand-mother death, no, after stealing his grand-mother life. Reinhard didn’t say a measly word after beating to near-death his own father with a training sword. He was five at the time. </p>
<p>Reinhard being Reinhard was a curse to his family. </p>
<p>God, he needed a drink. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Reinhard sat quietly in a corner of the room. This wasn’t his assigned room, this wasn’t even a bedroom, more like a cabinet of curiosity. Paintings, sculptures, bizarre items from foreign lands. His hosts showed him this very room yesterday evening, to fault his wealth and show how refined and cultured he was. Reinhard remembered them talking about a four hundred years old clock, made at the time of the great three heroes. They were either lying or had been fooled by an unscrupulous merchant, this clock was hundred years old at most. Reinhard held his tongue, of course, pointing it out would only bring embarrassment to his kind hosts.  </p>
<p>Reinhard made himself as small as possible in the cabinet, not wanting to disturb the general mood of the room. </p>
<p>After more than an hour of absolute silence, he heard a strange sound coming from the window. He saw the shadow of a person through it. Someone must be trying to check if the room was empty of life, most likely to get in and steal an antique clock or two. </p>
<p>Reinhard hid under the large wooden desk, he was already not visible from the window but he wanted to remain hidden from the thief even after they got in.  </p>
<p>	“It has been empty for half an hour now. It’s time, hurry up!” he heard a young girl voice whisper from behind the window. “ They’re still bitching downstairs about whatever. We have some time in front of us, let’s go!”</p>
<p>A soft click could be heard. The thief, no, the thieves seemed to be adept at lockpicking. </p>
<p>He saw a blonde young girl enter the room without making a sound, she looked quite young and mischievous. She was soon followed by a slightly older boy with a rougher look, with his unkempt black hair and mean eyes, he looked like a pocket-sized thug. </p>
<p>	“That clock looks expensive!” said the boy. <br/>	“No, it doesn’t. It’s pure trash.” answered the girl. </p>
<p>Not letting the comment deter him, the rough boy looked around the cabinet while putting a pair of oversize gloves on. </p>
<p>	“You’re still using those gloves? They’re useless. You can still leave handprints! Even with them on! ” <br/>	“And what about the fingerprints? Why do none of you ever think about the fingerprints?!” <br/>	“Shut up about your ‘fingerprints’, will ya. Now take a look at what’s in the dresser.”<br/>	“ As you wish, princess.” </p>
<p>The two juvenile delinquents methodically search the whole room without making too much noise. Reinhard held back a laugh, they tried their best to make even less noise than mice, but they were already caught redhanded. Unfortunately for them, even if he wasn’t in this very room but instead at the other side of the mansion, he would have still heard them coming in. </p>
<p>As they were deep in their misdeeds, both turning their back to him, Reinhard left his tiny den to stand right behind them. He wasn’t even sure why he bothered, he should either apprehend them or let them go, after all. <br/>But a slight smile grew on his own face, as he felt a merry need to play rising inside him. He was never one to play, but truth be told, he never really had the opportunity to. And the little thieves looked so adorable and harmless, they deserved a good scare, not to be thrown in a rusty jail. </p>
<p>Extending both index fingers, Reinhard gently poked the nape of their necks. </p>
<p>	“Boo.” </p>
<p>The little girl turned sharply toward Reinhard, drawing a knife from her belt and pointing it toward his throat. Her accomplice heavily sighed then turned around, looking utterly defeated. The girl chose to fight and the boy chose to… give up? </p>
<p>	“It’s dangerous to point a knife at someone's throat, you know. That’s how you make deadly mistakes.” <br/>	“ Get out pretty boy! You won’t like me when I’m angry! ” she was adorable, spitting threats she could barely understand. He wondered where she heard that. This time Reinhard couldn’t help himself and... laughed at her face. <br/>	“Let’s go, Felt! No need to fight! Everything here is worthless anyway...” The boy took Felt’s hand and rushed toward the window. </p>
<p>Watching them making their exit, Reinhard pondered. This encounter was awfully short. He sincerely hoped for more. </p>
<p>So he gave chase. Yet again, this was senseless. But still, he did it anyway. He jumped through the window and let one of his blessings bubble inside him. He instinctively knew where they went, even though the streets were unfamiliar to him. After a few minutes of running, he found a carriage at the side of the road. They were hiding behind a few boxes of merchandise, they must have noticed that Reinhard started to follow them. </p>
<p>Reinhard walked slowly toward the carriage, like a cat sneaking up on a couple of mice, without making a sound. He then slid one of the boxes used to hide the little thieves out of the way. </p>
<p>	“Boo.” </p>
<p>Being discovered despite the perfection of their hiding place, both of them froze in place. </p>
<p>	“Ok, what do you want?” said the boy. He took the lead of the conversation. The girl named Felt had lost all her bravado, she was still young after all.  <br/>	“I don’t know.” replied Reinhard. He didn’t lie, he truly didn’t know. <br/>	“Stop being weird.” the boy was not amused. “What do you want?”<br/>“I don’t know… What do you want???” </p>
<p>This was getting nowhere fast. The three children stared at each other for a long time (at least for their young minds). It was obvious that any hostilities had died down quickly in front of the general fuzziness of the situation. </p>
<p>And Felt went from being scared to being bored out of her mind. <br/>And the boy started to get lost in thought. <br/>And Reinhard could only question the why of his own actions. </p>
<p>	“Sooooooooooooooooo. What do you do for a living?” Felt broke the silence. What a strange question? Or rather what a strange time to ask it? Her little mind was swiftly jumping from one subject to the other, it’s as if she forgot that she just got busted during her “heist”. </p>
<p>Reinhard shrugged. </p>
<p>	“Booooring!” Felt got up from her hiding place to jump in front of Reinhard. “Well, I’m the best freelancer in town!”<br/>	“Mmmhmmh.” Reinhard nodded. “A freelancer, I see.... ” he was deep in thought. “In that case, I’m a freelancer too!” </p>
<p>It wasn’t exactly a lie. If a thief is a freelancer, then so is the ‘Sword Saint’. They take 'stealing commissions', he takes 'hero commissions'. Potato, potato. </p>
<p>The boy followed suits, standing next to Felt. </p>
<p>	“ I work at my Madalina’s place. ” The boy stopped for a second. “ She’s my caretaker... She owns a tavern downtown. I mostly help in the kitchen and clean after the clients.” The boy didn’t seem thrilled. </p>
<p>Reinhard frowned, was he just helping, or did he work there full time? </p>
<p>	“ I know I must work to pay for my food and room... but I would rather be anywhere else! So sometimes I help Felt with her freelancing!!! ”<br/>	“I think you should be going, Madalina’s going to be maaaaaaad. She’s gonna smack some 'common sense' into you! Then you’ll be crying at our door-step again!” </p>
<p>The boy frowned, then rolled his eyes. Putting his hands in his pockets, he moved to stand by Reinhard’s sides. </p>
<p>	“Don’t want to. Not going to.” the boy looked at Reinhard. “ I have better things to do! ” he grabbed the other boy’s hand. “ Like spending time with our new friend! You didn’t snitch on us, and you’re not going to, riiiiiiight? That means we’re friends now, riiiiiiight?” The boy smiled sheepishly. <br/>	“Yes!” Felt took Reinhard's free hand. “We’re friends now! So NO SNITCHING!”<br/>“NO SNITCHING!” echoed the boy. “Now let’s show our new friend our own kingdom!” <br/>	“Yes! Let’s show him our OWN kingdom.”</p>
<p>Reinhard let himself be guided by the two children. He knew the girl was named Felt, but he still didn’t know the boy’s name. The situation was so overwhelming. Not only did he know next to nothing about his new ‘friends’ but he didn’t even understand their reasonings. <br/>Did they want to bribe him? Did they just want to tug at his heartstring with the ‘friend rhetoric’? <br/>If they were scared he was going to denounce them, why show him their hideout? </p>
<p>Reinhard felt lost, but he couldn’t deny that he was getting excited. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their little ‘Kingdom’ was... rudimentary. Two chairs in a shack, in the middle of the city slums. Yet they insisted on showing Reinhard every part of it, not unlike how he was forced through a 'little tour of the cabinet of curiosity' yesterday. The shack was two thousand times more barren than the cabinet, yet he liked it way better.</p>
<p>	“Time to fess up! What’s your name? Mine’s Felt, just Felt! But you can call me ‘Master’, I guess!” she stuck out her tongue. <br/>	“I’m Natsuki SUBARU!” the boy yelled his name with pride. “Yes, it’s foreign” he added with a normal voice before resuming his yelling “BUT YOU CAN CALL ME SUBARU! I’m eight and a half by the way. Felt is still a baby though, she’s seven.”<br/>	“Says the crybaby…” Felt blew him a raspberry.</p>
<p>Reinhard paused for a second. Should he tell his name, his real name? Would they even recognize it? </p>
<p>He didn’t want it to happen. He didn’t want it to happen. God, help him. He didn’t want to be recognized. He could feel his heart squeeze at the notion. He knew it would be the end of his little adventure if they knew.  </p>
<p>Would they be scared? Would they try to win his good graces? Would they see him for the monster that he was and that he… Would they hate him? </p>
<p>He could not let it happen. He will not let it happen. </p>
<p>He knew he was selfish. He knew. And yet…</p>
<p>	“I’m Tristan, I’m almost ten... and I’m from Flanders, the earth dragon city.” Lies, truth, and lies. “I’m visiting my family.”<br/>“What were you doing at that rich house?” asked Subaru.<br/>“My father and M.Valdach have business, I guess.” Lies again, his father didn’t care about M.Valdach or for his son for that matter. <br/>“And they left you to rot in that weird room?”<br/>“Yes.” the truth... at least he didn’t have to lie from A to Z.   <br/>“Do you have a last name? Mine is NATSUKI!!!! And my first name is SUBARU!!!!”<br/>“Yes, so I have been told.” Reinhard bit his tongue, it wasn’t the time for unwanted sarcasm, he was walking on a thin line of lies there. “I’m Tristan Brandt.”</p>
<p>Reinhard remembered a nobleman named Marcus Brandt, who told him that if he needed anything, he shouldn’t hesitate to ask. So Reinhard borrowed his last name. He didn’t ask for permission but he was sure good ol’ Marcus Brandt wouldn’t be mad at him. Or if he was, he wouldn’t say anything. </p>
<p>	“Ok, cool.”</p>
<p>And like that, Subaru and Felt introduced Reinhard to the rules of their kingdom. They didn’t make any sense, but it wasn’t important. They weren’t too hard to follow so he went along : <br/>What is found is found.<br/>Snitches get stitches. <br/>You must fight for your kingdom. To the death! (Reinhard wasn’t so sure about this one.)<br/>When we play guard and truant, no resurrection is allowed. </p>
<p>Soon enough, they started a great debate about what game to play. Felt and Subaru usually only play with each other, and so were only used to two-player games! </p>
<p>	“It feels like when you want to play a party game with all your friends, but you only have one controller. It’s so unfair!!!!”</p>
<p>Reinhard looked at Felt for clarification, it wasn’t the first nonsensical thing coming out of Subaru’s mouth, but he this one took the cake. Felt seemed unbothered. Did she understand the analogy or was she desensitized to his wackiness? </p>
<p>	“My mom told me to use my imagination when it happens.” <br/>	“I thought you didn’t have a mother.” Reinhard tried to swallow back his word. He made a careless mistake. <br/>	“When did I say that?” Subaru didn’t seem offended nor sad. “I have a mother and a father back home, and they are the best of the best! My dad is the strongest and my mom is the strongest too!!!!” <br/>	“How did the two 'strongest' make a crybaby like you???” added Felt. <br/>	“Shut up, I’m not a crybaby. You are!”<br/>	“I’m sorry to interrupt. But where do you come from?” Reinhard was intrigued, to say the least. </p>
<p>Subaru looked at the ground with a pained expression, he then whispered something so softly no blessing could help Reinhard hear it. After a few seconds of silence, Subaru spoke louder. </p>
<p>	“I’m from Japan…”<br/>	“Come again?” said Felt.<br/>	“I’M FROM JAPAN!” Subaru then pouted while crossing his arms. </p>
<p>Closing his eyes, Reinhard visualized the map of the continent. He had the gigantic one from the throne room memorized... just in case. It was big enough for every village with more than 1000 inhabitants to appear on it. After some thought, Reinhard shared his conclusion. </p>
<p>	“So you’re from a small foreign village, is that right?” it was more a rhetorical question than anything else. <br/>	“NO!” Subaru yelled, again. “It’s not small, it’s big, big, BIG! Bigger than this whole city. Bigger than this whole COUNTRY!”<br/>	“Don’t you understand, Tristan? He comes from the mythical Lala-land!”<br/>	“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”<br/>	“I’m just telling him the truth!”<br/>	“Shut up! I’m not lying! I’m from Japan, I swear! I’m-i’m just…” Subaru took in a deep breath. “I’M JUST LOST!!! I will find my way back home, soon! I’m just lost! I’m just lost…” he began to cry.<br/>	“There it is! The crybaby!” Felt chanted, she was ecstatic. </p>
<p>Subaru was straight-up bawling. On one hand, Felt was right, Subaru was yet again spouting nonsense, on the other, it was obvious that he was hurting. Reinhard chose to keep his mouth closed, Subaru did ask Felt multiple times to ‘shut up’, so his request must apply to him too. So he watched, as the eight years old cried, mumbling something about his mother and father. It hurt to witness, he knew he should do something, but what?</p>
<p>How could he be so powerless? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After less than ten minutes where Felt played on her lonesome and Reinhard did nothing but stand and watch, Subaru dried his tears. Reinhard felt like a failure, if Felt may be too young to understand, Reinhard wasn’t. He thought that Subaru would blame him or be rightfully mad at him, but it wasn’t the case. <br/>With a few sniffs Subaru walked toward both Felt and Reinhard. </p>
<p>	“So, we still don’t know what game to play.” he still wanted to play with them? Did he already forget that Felt made him cry just a few minutes ago? <br/>	“Maybe we can play tag?” Felt proposed, ignoring the fact that Subaru still had snot running out of his nose. <br/>	“No.” <br/>	“Why not? I’m sure Trist-”<br/>	“No.” </p>
<p>Felt rolled her eyes but didn’t insist, she appeared to be used to being denied by her friend. </p>
<p>	“I know! Now that there are three of us, we can play the ‘Three heroes’ Journey’!!!” said Subaru.<br/>“Oooooh, that's a good idea! I’ll be Volcanica, I’ll be Volcanica! Dibs on Volcanica!”  Felt was jumping with excitement. She then looked at Reinhard, eager to know what hero he wanted to be. <br/>“I never played that game…” A painful confession. He never played tag either, but at least he was familiar with the game rules. <br/>“That’s easy! You can be the divine dragon, the Sword Saint, or the sage, then we fight the witch of envy! E-A-S-Y! we are three, so we can all choose a hero. Well…. You can choose between the Sword Saint or the sage” she was giddy with excitement. <br/>“I see, but even though. Who are we going to fight? Don’t we need someone as the witch of Envy?” </p>
<p>Reinhard didn’t want to rain on their parade, but that game bothered him deeply. Playing the ‘Sword Saint’ was the last thing he wanted... and he suspected that Subaru wouldn’t want to be the ‘Sword Saint’ either. Call it intuition, but watching the way his eyes lit up when Felt talked about 'The Sage' was all that Reinhard needed to know. </p>
<p>“Have no fear, Subaru is here! I’m going to be Satella then! BEWARE MY POWER!”</p>
<p>As soon as Subaru announced his pick, Felt took a fighting stance. The game began. </p>
<p>	“Stand back, ugly witch! I, the great dragon 'VOLCANICA', will end yooooouuuu!” </p>
<p>Felt turned to face Reinhard, obviously waiting for him to introduce himself. And so he did. </p>
<p>	“Stand strong, great dragon!” Reinhard inhaled sharply. “I, the wise Sage, will not let you down! The witch is doomed!” </p>
<p>	“You wish! I, Satella, the witch of envy, the pretty half-elf, the hungriest of witches, Salem's worst enemy, Halloween spookiest monster, the unseen ha-” Felt didn’t let Subaru end his introduction and started chasing him while roaring with all her heart. </p>
<p>Running around the slums, throwing random things at each other, screaming, yelling, breaking everything in their way, Felt and Subaru were little terrors. Reinhard followed but took a few minutes to start taking some initiatives. </p>
<p>Yet again, he was walking on his fine line of lies. He could catch Subaru in less than a second, pin in against the ground, and obtain absolute victory. But that wouldn’t be fun, right? He really made a lousy playmate... Moreover, Subaru had been captured by Felt multiple times and yet the game didn’t end, it truly made no sense. So Reinhard only ran as fast as Subaru did, letting him get away half the time. </p>
<p>Counterintuitively, even with those restrictions, the game was fun. Laughter was contagious it seems. Shouting absolute nonsense back at Subaru’s gibberish was Reinhard's favorite part but striking ‘threatening’ poses with Felt was cool too. </p>
<p>“ROOOOOAAAAAR! Blue fire! Red fire! White fire! Rainbow fire! Ultra sacred divine dragon fire!”</p>
<p>Felt was using her ultra sacred divine dragon fire, the witch was as good as dead. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Subaru, Felt, and Reinhard sat under a large tarnished piece of fabric in the shack. They wanted to tell each other scary stories, but it was still daytime. So they collectively decided to hide under a thick enough fabric to fake a 'moonless night atmosphere'. </p>
<p>“So Tristan, as you’re the newbie, you start with the scary stories, ok?” Felt said. “Don’t worry about Subaru, he may be a crybaby but even he can handle some spooky stuff!” Subaru pouted saying  ‘not a crybaby’ under his breath.</p>
<p>Reinhard shouldn’t have agreed, he knew no such stories. He tried to think about the last thing that frightened him, but he drew a blank. No monster or legend really scared him, even if ghosts existed, he was sure he could handle them easily. He started to think about what other people found scary but he had no idea. The only thing he was sure of, is that his father was scared of him. In fact, a lot of people were. </p>
<p>But he couldn’t exactly just tell stories about himself, right? </p>
<p>He had no other option. So he readied himself. </p>
<p>“What do you know about the ‘Sword Saint’?” asked Reinhard with a soft voice. <br/>“That he had a big sword and was friends with 'The Sageé and 'The Divine Dragon'!” Subaru answered proudly. <br/>“And what about the current one?” <br/>“The current one?” Subaru parroted Reinhard, not understanding the nuance between the two questions.<br/>“Dumbaru is dumb! Let me explain!” Felt took the chance to speak. “Reid was the first ‘Sword Saint’ but when he died, someone in his family became the next one! Just like the royal family, but way cooler!”</p>
<p>It wasn’t that simple... but Reinhard let it slide.</p>
<p>	“I heard that the current one is only three years old!” added Felt. <br/>	“Who would give a sword to a three years old? That sounds needlessly dangerous.”<br/>	“Don’t ask me! Maybe Tristan knows!” </p>
<p>Reinhard blinked incredulously. At least, the chances of being discovered were pretty slim. </p>
<p>	“He is not three years old, but…” Reinhard gulped, here he goes... “He is technically still a child. But more importantly, only the royal family and royal council know the ugly truth about him.” </p>
<p>Felt and Subaru were looking at him, stars of expectations shining in their eyes. </p>
<p>“He may be a child, but he is no human. He is a monster.” </p>
<p>The audience gasped. </p>
<p>	“But isn’t the ‘Sword Saint’ a big nice guy protecting the king? How could he be a monster?” Felt was not going to believe such a bald-faced lie!<br/>	“‘He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster . . . when you gaze long into the abyss the abyss also gazes into you’ or something like that… I guess.”<br/>	“What the hell, Subaru?” said Felt.<br/>	“I heard it in a movie!”<br/>	“What the hell, Subaru?” said Felt.<br/>	“Dad said I was too young for this movie, but I’m no crybaby so I watched it on the internet anyway!”<br/>	“What the hell, Subaru?” this time Reinhard was the one to speak. Weird quotes were expected from him, but what was a ‘movie’ or ‘the internet’. </p>
<p>Truth be told, Reinhard would rather focus on Subaru’s unique vocabulary than about what he just said. This talk about abyss and monsters was depressing. He was regretting his choice so hard, but it was too late now. </p>
<p>	“You know how the witch of envy ate and destroyed half the world? The new ‘Sword Saint’ is like that too, he consumed all that he touches.” <br/>	“What do you mean?”<br/>	“First, he absorbs all the mana around him, no matter how much other people need it.” Reinhard showed the number one with his hand “Second, he took the life and power out of his own grand-mother in a blink.” he winced. “Third, he sucks all the joy and happiness around him. No one is safe. Even his own family.” <br/>	“So he’s like a dementor?” asked Subaru.<br/>	“Yes, like a dementor.” He didn’t know what a dementor was, but the name seemed fitting. <br/>	“But is he a bad guy?” asked Felt. Reinhard averted his eyes. <br/>	“What… wh-what do you think?” he never stuttered before. <br/>	“I don’t know, it’s your story not mine!” she pouted, she hated to be asked questions she didn’t know the answer to. </p>
<p>He fell silent, he couldn’t reply. Deep down he knew the cruel truth, the only truth. His mind was screaming the answer in his ear, he tried more than once to cover them, to shield himself, but it was a vain endeavor. Even when he managed to sedate his mind, the rest of the world knew to remind him of his horrifying nature often. </p>
<p>	“Even Cthulhu needs love! Maybe he just needs a serious ‘power of friendship’ slap!” Subaru got up abruptly, taking the dark cloth off him and the other in the process. “If he is the Cerberus of Lugnica, then I’m about to show him my mastery of head pats!!!”</p>
<p>	“What the hell, Subaru?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. There is no need to cry.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Blood, tears, hair and sweat.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They stole appas, well they think they stole appas. After Felt did her deed, Reinhard gave the scorned seller enough money for three appas and the trouble. Even after his secret transaction, Reinhard felt like a criminal, a thug, a gangster! </p>
<p>Why was that so exciting? </p>
<p>They sat near the riverbank, eating away their respective fruit. Subaru finished his appa in a single bite, Felt ate the skin all around it first, and Reinhard peeled his perfectly with a pocket knife. </p>
<p>	“Teach me how you do that! I want to peel mine like yours!” she seemed envious of Reinhard's perfectly peeled appa. </p>
<p>Of course, he happily obliged. Felt was a quick learner, and disturbingly good with a knife for her age. But who was he to judge? </p>
<p>	“You’re a better teacher than the old man.” she added. <br/>	“Teach me too! TEACH ME TOO!” Subaru’s enthusiasm was undeniable.<br/>	“Nope, nope, nope. No sharp knife for the crybaby!” <br/>	“Why?” asked Reinhard. <br/>	“Because Subaru is a crybaby, who is such a crybaby, he gets spooked by the air around him!” Subaru didn’t react, he just looked at the ground visibly ashamed. “He gets bullied by bad dreams even when he's awake! What a child!” 	<br/>	“DON’T TELL HIM THAT!” </p>
<p>Subaru jumped on Felt, covering her mouth with his little hands. They both fell in the shallow river, the water reaching Subaru’s knees. Both were now sitting in the dirty water, as they started to fight each other. Pushing, hair pulling, biting, Felt was one year younger but was winning their little aquatic duel. She was inhumanly fast, even in the water. Subaru put distance between them and started to use the water at his advantage, splashing some in her eyes. Felt threw herself at him to tackle him at full force. </p>
<p>Reinhard was about to intervene. He wasn’t going to let the earlier drama repeat himself, but as he entered the water to put himself between them, he heard laughter. They were undoubtedly fighting tooth and nail, and this was no sparring session, and yet it was nothing like the earlier quarrel. </p>
<p>“Poor baby Felt! She is as fast as the river’s water and as dumb as the rocks of the riverbank.”<br/>“Talking shit won’t help you!”<br/>“TaLKinG sHiT wON’t HeLp YoU!” </p>
<p>They soon got out of the water, Felt first and Subaru second. They fought in the mud, dirtying their clothes without a care in the world. </p>
<p>Until Subaru screamed.</p>
<p>	“Are you ok???? I’m sorry!” Felt rushed by his side and Reinhard followed. <br/>	“Ahh. It's ok... I just fell on a sharp rock…” Subaru showed his bloody hand, the rock was sharp indeed. <br/>	“I’m sorry…” Felt got teary eyes, unlike earlier, she was eaten by her guilty conscience.  </p>
<p>Without saying a word, Reinhard took Subaru’s hand to look at the wound. It was quite deep and in serious need of a healer. It looked incredibly painful, not that Reinhard ever had an injury like this. Subaru winced as Reinhard inspected the rest of the hand, making sure there were no other wounds. He then washed it with some clean water from Felt’s flask and warped it with a piece of his own clean shirt. </p>
<p>	“We need to find a healer, or it won’t heal cleanly.” the palm of the hand was always tricky to heal after all. </p>
<p>Reinhard let Subaru down again. He let Subaru be hurt twice, first emotionally then physically. What a failure. </p>
<p>	“It’s ok.” said Subaru.<br/>	“No, we have to find a healer...” he replied. </p>
<p>Reinhard couldn’t let it get infected. </p>
<p>	“It’s ok.” repeated Subaru. “There is no need to cry.” </p>
<p>Reinhard looked at Felt who wasn’t crying anymore, he then faced Subaru who wasn’t crying either. </p>
<p>Felt kneeled at Reinhard's side.</p>
<p>	“Aaah, we have another crybaby!!!” she hugged him. “Don’t worry, I’m strong enough to protect the two of you.” she kissed him on the check. Subaru followed Felt’s example. </p>
<p>That’s when Reinhard understood: He was the one crying. </p>
<p>Why was he crying? He had no reason to. Subaru was the one to be hurt, Felt was the seven years old. Why was he crying? Why was he crying? </p>
<p>Reinhard tried to take a deep breath, to regain a hold over himself. But it failed miserably, it only made him lose the last shred of self-control he had.  </p>
<p>He started hyperventilating. And crying. Hyperventilating. And crying. <br/>Felt started hyperventilating. And crying. Hyperventilating. And crying. <br/>Subaru started hyperventilating. And crying. Hyperventilating. And crying. </p>
<p>So Reinhard continued to hyperventilate. Continued to cry. Continued to hyperventilate. Continued to cry. <br/>So Felt continued to hyperventilate. Continued to cry. Continued to hyperventilate. Continued to cry. <br/>So Subaru continued to hyperventilate. Continued to cry. Continued to hyperventilate. Continued to cry. </p>
<p>Tears and snots from their eyes and noses. Mud and dust from their clothes began to stain his own. Some blood also found its way on his shredded shirt. </p>
<p>How could he stop? How could he keep himself from falling apart when Felt and Subaru were crushing him, crying for him, echoing him. </p>
<p>It was absurd, so absurd, despairingly absurd. Why now? It wasn’t the first time he hurt someone. He did worse before, far worse, he was the worst since his birth. </p>
<p>Trying to express his anguish, no word fell out of his mouth. He couldn’t even manage to form the word in his own mind. </p>
<p>His head was full and empty at the same time. In the most bizarre of ways, Reinhard achieved to put his mind in a trance. It was as if he fell victim to an archaic ritual, destined to free something raw and powerful out of him. </p>
<p>The release of years of anguish was an impressive event that was bound to happen one day or another. Until today, Reinhard didn’t even acknowledge the existence of such feelings and now they were tearing him apart. Tearing his little nine years old mind and body. </p>
<p>And for the first time in forever, the world reminded Reinhard that a child monster was still a child in the end. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were tired and dirty, wearing bloody rags and exhausted faces. Felt led the way through the slums to a destination unknown to Reinhard. But he was too drained to ask or even care. After what felt like an eternity, they stopped in front of a wooden house. As Felt opened the door, the two boys followed her into the house. </p>
<p>	“OLD MAN, I’M HUNGRY.” she kicked her shoes off and sat at the counter. </p>
<p>Reinhard looked around, this place was a warehouse of some sort full of miscellaneous items. Stolen items his intuition told him. Not in the mood, Reinhard didn’t hesitate to put this little nagging voice on mute, at least for today. </p>
<p>An exceptionally tall man entered the main room to stand behind the counter, in front of the little Felt who smiled as she saw him. The man was objectively terrifying: tall as an oak, bald, covered with scars and tattoos, with an intense expression of boredom on his face.  Yet the only thing that caught Reinhard attention was his absurdly long bushy eyebrows, those looked like some serious security hazard in his opinion. </p>
<p>	“So was the hunt any good?” the man asked surprisingly softly as he ruffled the young girl's hair.<br/>“We got nothing of value, but we found 'Princess Red Hair' over there!” Felt pointed Reinhard with her finger. “His name is Tristan and he is almost ten years old, so he is almost as old as you!” she laughed. </p>
<p>The old man bypassed the counter to kneel in front of the unknown little boy. </p>
<p>	“Nice to meet you, name’s Rom. And the little girl over here needs to remind me of my age every single day.” Rom smiled, he wanted to help the young boy relax, he was well aware of how intimidating he looked. </p>
<p>Rom took a good look at the young ‘Tristan’, he had an unkempt mop of red hair hiding a cute little face covered with dried tears. His white shirt was almost as dirty as Subaru’s own and one of the sleeves was missing. He had quite a pathetic look, but it was obvious he came from a wealthy family. Even covered in dirt and snot (are the brown stain blood?), the fabric was of high quality. The dead give away were the leather shoes the boy had, they looked outrageously expensive. </p>
<p>	“Where do you come from, Tristan?” Rom ruffled his hair, this boy was shyness incarnate. </p>
<p>Reinhard was so lost in the fluffy eyebrows that he didn’t foresee the old man throwing him a curveball. </p>
<p>	“I came out of my mother’s -” Rom put a single finger on the boy's mouth. He could not risk Felt learning any more bad words. Reinhard, on the other hand, was feeling the high of being able to answer with a joke. It was truly thrilling, what a day. <br/>	“Ok, ok, ok. I understand, it’s a sensible question.” Rom got up to face Felt. “If Felt likes you, I will have to tolerate you.” he laughed. </p>
<p>He then saw Subaru who was sitting at an empty table, daydreaming about things only he could understand. Rom was about to greet the boy when he saw the bloody bandage on this right hand. He sighed heavily as he grabbed his tiny hand, he unwarped the bandage (So that where Tristan’s sleeve went...) to examine the wound. Dear God, it was so ugly even his battle-hardened heart had trouble looking at it. The boy had the uncanny ability of bursting into tears if a bee comes too close but keeping a perfect poker face when covered in his own blood. </p>
<p>	“Ok, big boy, let’s take care of this.” Rom took Subaru in his arms before putting him over his shoulder. “I’m going to cash in a favor from the neighbor... again.” he laughed. “You’re going to owe me a lot when you grow up, big boy.” <br/>	“Byeeeeeee!” Felt didn’t even look at them, she just poured herself a glass of milk. </p>
<p>Reinhard watched as Rom and Subaru left the warehouse. Subaru waved at him with his bad hand and Reinhard waved back. He then sat next to Felt and helped himself some milk too. The milk was lukewarm and tasted weird, but he had been rude enough already so he downed it all in a gulp. </p>
<p>	“Do you know 'Go Fish'?” asked Felt.<br/>	“Of course I do!” he didn’t. But he was sure one of his blessings would pick up the slack. Today was apparently his ‘everything-goes' day, so he let his need to not look like a loser in front of Felt overpower his duty to not abuse his blessings.  </p>
<p>The game started and as expected he knew exactly what to do. Moreover, he knew exactly what to do to win, which was a big no-no. He wasn’t going to let his tear-forged friendship go to waste over a card's game. So he made sure to fail enough to let her win, then he asked for the good cards just enough to win. It was really unfair, the game had a big chance factor but was powerless against his intuition. </p>
<p>	“You know, you’re really good at this!” said Felt. ‘If only she knew’ thought Reinhard. “Subaru sucks, he only draws what he doesn’t need. Like it’s fate or something.” <br/>	“Can I ask you a question?” <br/>	“Yeah, I guess.”<br/>	“How did you and Subaru meet?” </p>
<p>The question was on his mind since he saw them for the first time in the cabinet, they made quite the unlikely pair after all. </p>
<p>	“He was having one of his panic attacks in the middle of the street and the old man took pity. This one wasn’t particularly bad, but it was impressive, he looked like he was possessed by an angry spirit.” Felt looked at the ceiling as she was jogging her memory. “So we brought him here to calm him down, and since he comes here from time to time. Especially when he wants to escape Madalina for a few hours.” <br/>	“That was really nice of you.” he meant it. “These panic attacks look serious though.” maybe he should tell Felt to stop teasing him so much about it. “You call him a crybaby because of it, but I think you’re a little too harsh with him.”<br/>	“The old man says that too…” she pouted. “But you haven’t seen him! He freaks out of nowhere about some nightmare he just had. Out of NOWHERE! Like you’re eating an appa and he starts yelling at you for nothing…” <br/>	“Does it happen this often?”<br/>	“Uuugh… Like 4 or 5 times since I know him, but I don’t count them.” </p>
<p>Those panic attacks were a true mystery. But one he couldn't have the answer to right now. Asking more questions would be useless, so he decided to change the subject. </p>
<p>	“Mmmm, I see… Can I style your hair?”<br/>	“Where does that come from?” Felt raised an eyebrow. <br/>	“I don’t know, I just want to.” He just wanted to, so he asked. He was daring today! </p>
<p>Felt shrugged and went to the backroom to find a brush and some hair ties. She was used to the old man wanting to brush her hair out of nowhere, this was maybe just a boy thing. </p>
<p>Her hair was a tangled mess, a true nest of hair, dirt, and twigs. He brushed her hair with all the care in the world, making sure not to hurt her in the process. He couldn't believe how much he loved doing it. He decided he was going to braid it, she would be so pretty with a french braid. Her hair was short but he would make do. </p>
<p>	“How do you do it so painlessly? When the old man does it, he pulls my hair all the time.” <br/>	“That’s a secret.” </p>
<p>Felt accepted the explanation. She had her secrets too, even the old man didn’t know everything about her little seven years old heart. </p>
<p>‘Tristan’ was an odd one, she rarely met noble children like him. Most of them either ignore her completely (making them easy to pickpocket) or are afraid of her (making them easy to make fun of). He was smart enough to listen to her and play the game she wanted, so he was ok in her book. And he didn’t make fun of her when she started crying about hurting Subaru, so he was nice too (nicer than her, she was starting to think that the old man was right and she was being too mean). </p>
<p>Maybe she could learn a lesson or two from him. He was obviously a true sweetheart. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The relative silence between Felt and Reinhard shattered as a small boy led a literal giant inside the warehouse. Subaru was beaming, the healing must have worked like a charm. On the other hand, Rom looked ghastly as if Subaru drained him of all his energy. </p>
<p>“She gave me some candy! I already ate the best one, but we can share the rest!” Subaru smiled as he showed a candy still melting on his tongue. <br/>“How generous of you…” Rom didn’t have the willpower to hide the obvious sarcasm. “I’m going to take a shit. Be back soon. Play nice.” he went to the back room without saying anything else. </p>
<p>Subaru sat near his new friend, putting the rest of the candy on the counter. As soon as it touched the counter, Felt took a handful of it (almost all of them) and stuffed them in her mouth. Reinhard only ate one of them, letting the last two to be eaten by Felt or Subaru. </p>
<p>	“Catch!” Subaru took one of the candy before throwing it at Reinhard's face, he caught it with his hand instinctively. <br/>	“Not with your hand, with your mooooouuuuth!” Subaru opened his mouth wide. </p>
<p>Getting a grasp of the game, Renhard threw it in the other’s mouth. Subaru used the last one to return the favor, throwing it so out of target that Reinhard almost fell off his chair trying to catch it. Yet another harmless game that could have turned terribly wrong, was he cursed? </p>
<p>	“My turn! My turn!”<br/>	“Sorry princess, it was the last one.” Subaru blew her a kiss. <br/>	“Unfair.”</p>
<p>The room fell back into silence, not that Subaru would tolerate it. So he took the first thing he saw, a brush and a few hair ties, and started playing with it. After a few seconds, he turned Reinhard's chair to access the back of his head. </p>
<p>	“Yes!” Felt jumped on her chair at the idea. “ Let’s give him pigtails! Wait here, I’ll get some flowers!!!!” she bolted out of the room. <br/>	“They’ll be tiny adorable pigtails then!” Subaru added. </p>
<p>Reinhard was about to object, but it didn't have the heart to deny them. So he let Subaru take a fistful of his hair to brush them. </p>
<p>He wasn’t exactly gentle but he wasn’t harsh either. The feeling of the brush tickling his scalp was a new experience, after a few seconds, Reinhard decided he liked it. He couldn’t even remember the last time somebody brushed his hair. A maid at the Astrea mansion was supposed to take care of him but he didn’t need it, moreover, the maid always seemed uncomfortable around him anyway. He wondered if Subaru would still brush his hair if he knew who he was. </p>
<p>	“Aaaaah, I’ve always wanted to brush a lion’s mane. Do you think I could one day? That would be sooooo cool!!!” </p>
<p>Reinhard turned around to face his friend. Did he just read his mind? No, it was unlikely… He was bound to say something relevant by the sole virtue of his constant blabbering. </p>
<p>“Aaaaaah, after your story, I realized that I wanted to brush the new ‘Sword Saint’s’ hair. Do you think I could one day? That would be sooo-”<br/>“OK. No. What the he-” </p>
<p>“I’VE GOT THE FLOWERS FOR THE PRETTY BOY!” </p>
<p>Felt rushed to her friends, she brought a bunch of yellow flowers. Unlike the boys, she didn’t hesitate to pull his hair to style it. </p>
<p>	“Ouch!” When did the hairdressing game transform into a ‘torture Reinhard’ game? “Aaaaaaah! Enough. Enough!”  </p>
<p>Both executioners took a few steps back to admire their work. Reinhard looked ridiculous... ridiculously cute. He had two pigtails, one on each side with flowers hiding the hair ties. </p>
<p>	“Pretty boy! You look good with flowers on your head.”<br/>	“Yes, you’re way cuter than Felt could ever be!” Felt blew him a raspberry as a response. <br/>	“Anyway, it’s your turn to choose the game! You can’t let Subaru decide all the time, you know.” <br/>	“Ah…” Reinhard pondered. “Let’s play a no-contact game, then. Like no contact, no contact. No fighting, no throwing, nothing dangerous!” </p>
<p>One where no one would be hurt. Please. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rom watched as the children tied a rope to the counter, that was the usual set up for a game of jump rope. This was going to end badly, Felt was hyper-competitive when it came to that game. They were going to suffer and she was going to taunt them to death. Tristan was unaware, but Rom always wondered why Subaru always accepted to play with her. Was he some kind of masochist? Wasn’t he too young to be one?</p>
<p>As for Reinhard, he was extremely satisfied with Felt’s choice, what could possibly go wrong? </p>
<p>	“So, Tristan and Felt, you do the jumping, I do the rope spinning.” Subaru tested the weight of the rope. “When you’re ready.”</p>
<p>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.</p>
<p>	“GO!”</p>
<p>The rope started spinning painfully slowly, perfect for some warming-up but agonizing for the impatient Felt. Reinhard liked the pace, it was oddly soothing. He jumped at the exact same time as Felt, he planned to eventually lose, but losing right now would be humiliating. </p>
<p>	“Jump! Jump! Jump! Cuz I’m speeding up!”</p>
<p>Jumping every two seconds, both Felt and Reinhard were light on their feet. They were facing each other, keeping eye contact with every jump. Felt was smiling, confident in her victory, she didn’t know how good ‘Tristan’ was but she knew she was better than him. </p>
<p>	“Let’s find a better pace, shall we?” </p>
<p>Subaru sped up. None of the contestants seemed affected, what a disappointment. </p>
<p>	“Faster, then!”</p>
<p>Rom watched the two kids jump at an impressive rhythm. He wondered how long ‘Tristan’ would last. </p>
<p>	“Gotta go fast!”</p>
<p>Felt was starting to like the pace and ‘Tristan’ looked quite comfortable too. It was the perfect moment for some psychological warfare. </p>
<p>	“Aaaah-haaaa” she faked a yawn. “Soooo boring.” she rolled her eyes, Reinhard smiled. <br/>	“Would you like us to go faster?” he asked.<br/>	“You heard him, Subaru! MAX SPEED!!!”</p>
<p>He heard them alright, he doubled the pace. Not max speed, but the usual “Felt-only” speed. The sound of the rope hitting the ground was getting overwhelming, Rom knew he was going to have a headache. </p>
<p>Reinhard didn’t break eye contact, he was going to let Felt win… eventually. But not yet, she should learn not to underestimate her opponent. </p>
<p>	“Oooooh, this is getting INTERESTING!” Subaru smiled. “HARD MODE ACTIVATED!” </p>
<p>Felt breathing was beginning to get uneven, she stuck out her tongue in a display of dominance. ‘Tristan’ maintained eye contact. </p>
<p>	“You unlocked the hidden difficulty! Get ready and buckle up for the INSANITY MODE.”</p>
<p>Insanity was the perfect word, Subaru spun the rope so fast he was getting red in the face. Rom was starting to watch the game with the utmost interest, this was becoming a true display of skill and endurance. </p>
<p>	“Not bad… Fo-for someone…” she took a quick breath “...like y-you.” the rhythm was maddening, she never lasted long at this pace. But everybody else failed before her! She can’t let him win!! “I’m just…. ge-ge-getting started!” <br/>	“Really?” he still maintained eye contact, only raising an eyebrow. <br/>	“Yeah.” she looked at her feet, then at him, then at her feet. </p>
<p>	“CAN’T GO ANY FASTER, SORRY.” </p>
<p>It was a true battle of endurance and will. Reinhard jumped with the same ease and grace as before, his breathing calm, he wasn’t even breaking a sweat. He wasn't aware of it but he was looking at her like a cat looking at a mouse trapped in his paw. </p>
<p>Felt focused on herself, she needed to keep the rhythm. Keep it at all costs. </p>
<p>‘Just a little longer’ Reinhard thought, he was going to make her work for her victory, just a little longer. </p>
<p>BAM!</p>
<p>Felt failed her last jump, she fell on the ground with a terrifying bang. Subaru dropped the rope to check on his fallen friend, but before he could move she was already back on her feet. </p>
<p>	“Oh. Oh.” Reinhard knew he went too far. Oops. <br/>	“How! HOW! HOOOOW!” Felt grabbed ‘Tristan’ shoulders to shake him. “HOW! It’s unfair! It’s MY GAME, MY GAME!”</p>
<p>Felt was making the biggest scene in her life. How dare he?!! <br/>Beating her at her own game??? Humiliating her in front of the old man and Subaru ??!! <br/>He didn’t look tired at all!<br/>Worse, he wasn’t even happy to win. Was she nothing to him? Were her skills and talent nothing to him?????</p>
<p>	“Listen, I’m sorry… I should have… I should have stopped earlier....” Reinhard tried to make his mea culpa. <br/>	“STOP WHAT EARLIER????”<br/>	“Oh. Oh.” Oh, dear. This should have stayed a secret.<br/>	“ANSWE-”<br/>	“That's enough!” Rom placed himself between the children. “Felt, stop being a sore loser! Tristan, stop being an insufferable winner!”<br/>	“But old man, you don’t understand-” she tried to argue. <br/>	“I understand perfectly, he is better than you at this game. That all there is to it.” he took the girl in his arms. “ Listen, I too, thought I was the strongest until I met someone who could wipe the floor with me.” he ruffled her hair. <br/>	“But that’s unfair… I-I-I-”<br/>	“I know. But it’s not over, it just means you will need to train harder to beat him, that’s all.” </p>
<p>She was going to need to train a lot harder, he thought. The kid's abilities were unnatural, Felt was already exceptional due to her blessing but he was on another level. </p>
<p>	“YOU!” Felt pointed Reinhard. <br/>	“Yes?” he hesitated.<br/>	“You’re going to train me! You owe it to me!” she was going to beat him and he WILL help her do it. </p>
<p>He had nothing against training her, he just couldn’t see the logistics behind it. He was due to leave the city tomorrow. </p>
<p>Suddenly, the idea of his departure made him nauseous. He didn’t want the day to end, even though he kept making mistakes after mistakes. </p>
<p>	“Let’s eat something up first, I’m starving!” Subaru’s stomach growled to support his point. <br/>	“Good idea, I’ll bring you kids some bread and milk.” </p>
<p>Rom threw a last look at the young ‘Tristan’ before entering the back room. That child was going to bring trouble. He knew it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm going to post the last chapter tomorrow. It's going to have some graphic depiction of violence. Nothing too gruesome, but there will be blood.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. A rude awakening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Reality bites hard.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The bread was drier than the Augria Sand Dunes, but he wasn’t about to disrespect old man Rom hospitality. He was pretty sure he had already been a horrendous guest, however, it didn’t feel like a cardinal sin here. This place acted like a little bubble where mistakes were tolerated, where their adult judge was merciful. If only he could stay a little longer. </p>
<p>	“I miss horses very much. I never had one… or even saw one, but I miss the fact that horses exist. You understand what I mean?” <br/>	“Uuh… No?” Reinhard needed to start a notebook to list all the weird stuff Subaru said. Oddly enough, the concept of horses intrigued him. “What’s a horse?” <br/>	“Mmmm… It’s one of the coolest animals in the world! I guess it’s like an earth dragon but less dragony and less earthy.” Subaru tapped his fingers on the table. “They are big or sometimes small… They only have a single finger per hooves... Sometimes they do this.” Subaru got up on his chair to imitate a horse rearing. <br/>	“Yeah… Actually, no. I didn’t understand a single thing.”<br/>	“Don’t hurt your brain trying, the machination of his mind is a mystery.” Felt gave one of her most valuable advice</p>
<p>Whatever horses were, they were nothing but a fragment of the young boy's imagination. Reinhard himself was no encyclopedia, but he knew his bestiary. The ‘tall, not tall’ standing, single fingered abomination he just described doesn't exist. </p>
<p>	“Tell him about the planes! Planes are my favorite!” she was sincere, planes were one of Subaru’s better inventions. <br/>	“Yes, please. Planes sound fun!”<br/>	“Ok, ok. So how to describe them?” Subaru pondered. “They are like: big metal carriages, they can be bigger than one of the royal castle wings! Speaking of wings, their wings are very long and stationary even in flight!”<br/>	“They fly? How high?”<br/>	“They fly up above the highest clouds! And they go very fast, even if you don’t feel the speed when you’re in them. The small ones can go so fast, they break the barrier of sound. BOOM!!!!” Subaru shouted.<br/>	“What do you mean by being in them?” Reinhard lent in closer. <br/>	“They are like carriages, we use them to travel long distances. I traveled by plane more than once, I always take the seat by the window. By plane, I think it would only take a few hours to go from here to Priestella.”<br/>	“I can-” Reinhard bit his tongue, he was about to say he could do it too. <br/>	“Yes! You can fly in one too! When I find my way back home, I’ll invite you to come over. I’ll show you everything!!! Especially mayonnaise, you all don’t know what you miss.” </p>
<p>What a grandiose idea, a trip down Subaru’s imagination sounded incredibly fun. If Reinhard could buy a ticket, he would sell the shirt off his back to buy one. He would just make sure to stay far away from the nightmarish horses. </p>
<p>He didn’t know what would be sadder, Subaru believing wholeheartedly in a fake fantasy world or him being dragged away from a real magical place to be thrown in the slums of the capital. Did he realize that nobody believed him? Did he care? His living conditions with the infamous Madalina seemed dreadful, maybe running away in his own mind was a defense mechanism? The more Reinhard thought about, the sadder he got. Poor kid. </p>
<p>Reinhard daydreaming got interrupted by the sound of small objects hitting the wood table: a fistful of dice. </p>
<p>	“Let’s test your luck, pretty princess!” Felt said as she pulled on one of Reinhard pigtails, making a flower fall in the process.<br/>	“Ahhh, shoot. I always lose at these games.” Subaru wasn’t thrilled by the choice, but as always he tagged along. </p>
<p>Each rolled a pair of dice, the one with the lowest score lost a life. Everyone had six lives. Roll, count, repeat. Not the most thrilling game, but this one ought to be safe, right? </p>
<p>Reinhard closed his eyes and rolled the dice. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++++</p>
<p>	“You lose again. Ha!” Felt smiled, taunting the poor loser.<br/>	“It’s not my fault if your dice are loaded!” a weak defense from Subaru. </p>
<p>He knew he was being a sore loser, but he had to defend his honor! He lost five rounds in a row, meaning he lost all of them! Both ‘Tristan’ and Felt still had their six lives! Especially since it was his last game before going back ‘home’. He only had five minutes of peace before the curtain’s fall, he deserved to win at least a single round! </p>
<p>To soothe his hurt ego, Subaru took a mouthful of tea. ‘Tristan’ brewed it, and it was a hit! He wasn’t a big tea fan in general, but this one was made by a God, no other explanation was possible. The tea was still extremely hot, but Subaru’s tongue must have been made of rubber, for he downed it like it was barely warm. </p>
<p>	“Right, and my loaded dice magically detect when YOU are the one using them.” </p>
<p>She was pushing his button. He hid his face behind his cup, hiding his reddening face. He should admit defeat, but he just couldn’t. </p>
<p>	“Well, why not?? Everything is possible in this fanta-------------------” </p>
<p>Subaru froze as if struck by lightning. <br/>His gaze became distant, he was staring at nothing, unblinking. <br/>His face relaxed from a shameful smile to an uncanny neutral expression. <br/>The cup of tea fell from his hand, pouring the hot liquid all over his laps. </p>
<p>No reaction. </p>
<p>	“Oh! There it is! You’re lucky, Tristan!” Felt pointed Subaru. “You’re going to witness the crybaby!” </p>
<p>No reaction. </p>
<p>	“Are you ok?” Reinhard tried to reach him with his hand.</p>
<p>No reaction.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>He blinked. <br/>All blood drained from his face, leaving him pale. <br/>He blinked again. <br/>Horror struck his face.</p>
<p>He started to shake violently, he brought both his hands to his neck ignoring his burned laps. Silent tears ran down his face, one could see that he was trying to scream, however, nothing but a smothered whisper came out of his mouth. </p>
<p>He slid his hands from his neck to his face, clawing at his cheeks, drawing blood. As he arched his head backward, he fell out of his chair landing on his back. Hitting the ground, he gasped for air before making a scream rough enough to shake the ground.  </p>
<p>The three of them rushed by his side, Reinhard looked for reassurance in Rom and Felt but none was found. Felt was shaking too, she was panicking, this was not what she thought would happen. </p>
<p>Rom tried to take the poor child in his arms.</p>
<p>Then all hell broke loose. </p>
<p>Subaru screamed and shouted, nothing he said made sense but he was coughing his own lungs trying to say it anyway. He was struggling, fighting against Rom gentle arms, thrashing around like a wild animal fighting for his life. </p>
<p>It only made Rom hold him tighter, the child was scratching the old man’s arms leaving blood in his fingers path. Rom ground his teeth as Subaru bit a mouthful of the old man's hand, pain shooted from the bite to his brain, but Rom held still. The teeth went so deep in his flesh that he suspected that it wouldn't be long before the child snatched away a bit of it. So he pressed the jaw of the child with his hand forcing him to break his hold of him, he then forced Subaru's head up to keep him from biting anything else. </p>
<p>Rom looked at Subaru’s face, his bloodshot eyes were unfocused. He was rabid, with blood and drool dripping off his mouth. </p>
<p>The last time Rom saw someone in such a frantic state was during the war. Seeing a child share the same terror he did back then, hurt more than anything the child’s tiny hands and month could do to him. </p>
<p>Subaru’s eyes darted all across the room, moving like a paranoid hummingbird. Scanning the room, his eyes landed on Reinhard’s and stayed there. He shot his arm at him, his bloody fingertips caressing his face.  </p>
<p>	“The dogs, the dogs! THE DOGS! Th-th-th-th-th-thththththththtththth-----------” his voice trembling, Subaru growled barely comprehensible words. </p>
<p>Reinhard instinctively took the hand, letting Subaru’s nails dig in his skin. </p>
<p>	“THEY BITE AND BITE AND BITE. And bite. And bite. And Bite. And bite. And bite. And Bite. And bite. And bite. And Bite. And bite. And bite. And Bite. And bite. And bite. And Bite. And bite. And bite. And Bite. And bite. And bite. And Bite. Bite. Bite. And bite. And bite. And Bite. And bite. And bite. And Bite. And bite. And bite. And Bite. And bite. And bite. And Bite. And bite. And bite. And Bite. And bite. And bite. And Bite. And bite. And bite. And Bite. Bite. Bite. Bitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebitebite”</p>
<p>Shocked by the vocal outburst, Felt cried without shame. </p>
<p>	“IT HURTS, IT HURTS, IT HURTS. Aaaaaaaaaah, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.” Subaru fell silent as he continued to mouth voicelessly the words. </p>
<p>	“Felt and Tristan! Go in the backroom, I’m taking care of him.” None of them moved an inch. “Now! Don’t worry about us, just go!”</p>
<p>Neither Reinhard nor Felt seemed convinced. </p>
<p>	“Please, it’s just one of his nightmares. This one is just particularly bad. Please, trust me. Go.” Rom gulped, he hoped the children couldn’t hear the hesitation in his voice. </p>
<p>He knew those nightmares were not just a fragment of his childish mind. They meant danger. They usually caused him to run away, only to learn after the fact something bad happened following his escape. His nightmares and what actually happened were never a true match, but tragedy always struck. Rom suspected it was the work of an obscure blessing he was too young to understand and control. In the meantime, he had to get ready for whatever was going to happen. </p>
<p>	“Please.” Rom insisted again. The children didn’t need to attend to this horrorshow.</p>
<p>Reinhard let go of Subaru’s hand to take Felt’s. She followed him obediently to the room, crying all the way in. </p>
<p>	“REINHARD!”</p>
<p>As he heard his name, he froze in place. </p>
<p>	“REINHARD! REINHARD!” Subaru took a deep breath. “They want- they want-” </p>
<p>A pause. </p>
<p>A long pause.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.</p>
<p>“Save him, please…”</p>
<p>	“Shhhh.” Rom took advantage of Subaru’s relative tranquility to cradle him in his giant arms. </p>
<p>The old man got up and started to rock him slowly, humming while doing it. </p>
<p>Reinhard looked back, cursing his curiosity, he saw Subaru's limp body spasming from time to time as he continued to cry silently.  He then entered the backroom with Felt, before closing the door behind him. He leaned on the door and slid to a sitting position. Letting go of Felt’s hand, he gathered his knee close to him in reassurance. </p>
<p>Before plugging his ear, he heard Subaru’s shaking voice one last time. </p>
<p>	“Save him, please…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lost in thought, Reinhard barely noticed when Felt touched his knee. He unplugged his ears to listen to her. </p>
<p>	“Do you hear it?” she said.</p>
<p>Reinhard raised his head, taking advantage of the silence to listen to his surroundings. </p>
<p> Barking dogs. And they were getting closer and closer. </p>
<p>Reinhard shot up on his two feet and opened the door to find the old man right behind it. <br/>	“Stay here, children.” Rom entered the backroom to put the half-sleeping Subaru on the couch. “You stay put, do not make a sound.”</p>
<p>Rom exited the room and closed the door behind him. When he heard the barking dogs approaching he thought of taking the children and leave. But he had nowhere to go, hiding from danger with at least a kid under each arm was impossible. Moreover, he trusted his fighting abilities way more than his hiding abilities. <br/>Hell, he didn’t even know if they were coming for him, one of the children, or if it was a massive coincidence. </p>
<p>He took his massive club and stood behind the sturdy main door, from here he could see through the nearby window. He saw five people approaching, with them, two trios of dogs kept on leashes. Rom didn’t recognize their faces but their outfit betrayed their affiliation. One of the few gangs fighting for control of the capital’s poorest district. Rom always found a way to keep out of their business, he had nothing to win by throwing himself in the middle of a gang war. </p>
<p>But today he ran out of luck, he couldn’t just ignore them anymore. They were coming close, Rom had no hesitation left in his mind, they were aiming for his peaceful warehouse. Now that he knew that Subaru’s nightmare was way more literal than usual, he regretted his choice to stay. It was too late to run now, but in the hour following Subaru’s outburst, he could have done so much.</p>
<p>Thinking back at Subaru's crazed rambling, the word 'Reinhard' echoed in his mind. This name was familiar, almost five years ago nobody would shut up about him. </p>
<p>'Reinhard' + 'blessed noble child' + 'red hair' = 'Sword Saint'</p>
<p>Rom wanted to smash his own head with his club. He was so blind. He heard that the 'Sword Saint' was always accompanied by a dozen guards, not to protect him but to protect people from him. Another said that he was so young, he could barely hold a sword.  A whirlpool of rumors swirled in his mind, they were all bullshit. </p>
<p>When he heard a soft knock on the door, Rom’s grasp on his club tightened, it was time. After a second knock, Rom opened the door. </p>
<p>Let’s have a try at diplomacy. </p>
<p>	“How can I help you?” His voice tried to be pleasant but his face betrayed his hostility. <br/>	“Ah! Good evening!” A young man answered. “I’m truly sorry to bother you so late, but my friend and I.” he turned his head slightly to introduce the four people behind him. “Need some information. Might we come in?”</p>
<p>Rom didn’t move an inch.</p>
<p>	“I can help you right here, no need to enter.” he let his club hit the floor softly to remind its presence to his guests. <br/>	“I see…” the same man spoke. “My name is Tapio, but it doesn’t really matter.” he offered his hand to shake but Rom didn’t move. “My friend and I heard that you are hosting a very peculiar guest today. We just want to meet him.” he smiled.<br/>	“I don’t know who you’re talking about. There is nobody ‘peculiar” here.”<br/>	“Are you sure? What about the three adorable little children in this very house? The one with red hair is the one we seek.” his smile grew bigger, showing teeth. “Do you know who he is? Or where he came from?” <br/>	“...” Rom squeezed his weapon so hard, he could hear the wood splitting. <br/>	“Maybe you need more details… Does the name Reinhard van Astrea ring a bell? He has a cute little face with bright blue eyes and he has been seen with the little girl of yours. Her name is Felt, isn't it?” <br/>	“If you think the family of the ‘Sword Saint’ has business he-”<br/>	“Please, allow me to interrupt you. He is not a family member of the ‘Sword Saint’, he is the 'Sword Saint'. He is young I know, but fate doesn’t seem to care.”</p>
<p>Rom raised his club, he knew when the time of negotiation was over.</p>
<p>	“El fura.” </p>
<p>The man unleashed a powerful burst of wind, enough to smash Rom to the other side of the room. The hit was brutal as after the impact, the heavy cabinet he hit, fell upon him. The man, his followers, and the six rabid dogs entered the main room. They started their search for the juvenile knight, carefully examining every corner of the room.  </p>
<p>In the backroom, Reinhard took the first item in his reach, the very same brush used to style his hair. He then opened the door, letting the intruders see him.</p>
<p>Directly in Reinhard’s sight, was a woman with three dogs in front of her. The woman opened her eyes wide and smiled when she saw him.</p>
<p>	“Oooh, so cute. We caught you in the middle of playing hairdresser!” She giggled as she pointed to his tiny flowery pigtails. “I’m sorry but playtime is over.”  <br/>	“Indeed.” Reinhard answered.</p>
<p>As the woman opened her mouth to reply, only a grunt came out of it. </p>
<p>With a swift motion of his arm, Reinhard threw the hairbrush at neck-breaking speed. Before she could register what happened, the handle of the brush was embroiled in her forehead. Her death was instant. Reinhard had no interest in prolonging the fight or her suffering, this whole situation was his fault and his fault alone. </p>
<p>As her body collapsed, the dogs freed themselves of her grasp. They rushed at the child, passing in front and ignoring the half-conscious Rom. Reinhard met them halfway between their original position and his, making sure the dogs remained away from the backroom. He would let himself be killed before letting the dogs reach his friends. </p>
<p>If only he had listened to Subaru’s warning, if only he had taken him seriously, if only he had investigated his frantic claims. <br/>If only.<br/>If only.<br/>If only. </p>
<p>As he met with the dogs, Reinhard took care of kicking violently a table nearby, making it fly at the presumed leader. His attack naturally connected, crashing directly in his target’s torso, incapacitating him in an instant. </p>
<p>He grabbed by the collar the first dog to reach him, only to hit the next dog with it. They both whined at the same time, not understanding what happened to them. <br/>The third dog aimed at Reinhard's throat. The boy caught its muzzle in his tiny hand, and crushed it, destroying its jaw and teeth. Stunned by the intense pain, the dog walked away to hide under the fallen cabinet. </p>
<p>The two first dogs came back from their stupor to resume their attack. Reinhard seized the closer one’s tail and swung it violently above him, crashing its whole body on the wooden floor with enough force to pulverize both the animal and the floor. </p>
<p>The monstrous sound of the crash did not deter the last one, hence Reinhard used one of the pieces of the wooden floor to stab the last one in the head. Bringing an end to the first trio of dogs. </p>
<p>During the confusion, due to the absolute trashing of the first intruder and their dogs, Rom got up and retrieved his loyal club. He then ran to the intruder the closest to him and the backroom. A flurry of questions went through his mind, but none of them mattered. He needed to protect the children. Felt, Subaru, and Tr-Reinhard, all needed to be safe.  </p>
<p>Unfortunately for him, as soon as he reached the intruder, a second one attacked him, jumping on his back. A single person on his back was nothing to him, and one hit of his club sent the one in front of him flying. The other one used a knife to stab the old man's shoulder. He trashed around to free himself from their grip but felt himself becoming weaker and slower out of seemingly nowhere. He fell victim to powerful yin magic. </p>
<p>Out of the remaining intruders, one was successfully overpowering Rom, another one seemed out of commission having their leg broken by Rom’s attack, the leader was recovering from Reinhard ‘Table Strike’ and the fourth one was near the door flabbergasted by the reversal of the situation. </p>
<p>It was this fourth one that became Reinhard's next target. Even though they looked too panicked to be an immediate threat, their dogs could easily escape them and attack Rom... or worse. Walking toward the dead intruder (The last? Reinhard didn’t know.), Reinhard took the long blade at their belt and pondered his options. </p>
<p>The last dog master watched the blood-covered child (who seemed to be nothing but a red blur, save from his eyes and some yellow flowers in his hair) observing his fallen comrade’s blade. He saw the child’s hand move toward him even though his blue eyes were still locked where they were. </p>
<p>He then heard one of his dogs whining. Unfortunately, he discovered two of his dogs, laying headless on the ground. The third one, terrified, stopped pulling on his leash and returned next to his owner (to protect him?).</p>
<p>Unable to remain hidden in the backroom anymore, both Felt and Subaru sneaked into the battlefield. They had to help the old man, he had been trapped in yin magic, they needed to save him.</p>
<p>Sneaking behind Rom and the intruder on his back, Felt took a knife from the counter and stabbed the spellcaster’s calf. They screamed both out of pain and surprise but stayed firmly on the old man back. </p>
<p>In retaliation, they raised their hand in the air to charge a spell. The greatly diminished Rom understood the gravity of the situation, but he was unable to act. As mana pooled in the intruder's hand, Subaru closed his eyes and used his ultimate line of defense. </p>
<p>	“Sh-sh-SHAMAC!” </p>
<p>Subaru imagined a squid when he used the only spell in knew. He would have laughed at the idea, if he was not scared shitless. The dogs were back, and their barkings were driving him crazy. He could feel their teeth violating his flesh again, he could hear their masters laugh at his dying pleas again. He wanted to run away, but he couldn’t leave his friends behind. God knew what they would do to not-Tristan if they managed to capture him!</p>
<p>As the Shamac filled the air, Rom felt even worse than before and didn’t even notice that the intruder was sliding off his back. He didn’t even know where he was anymore, it was ridiculous. </p>
<p>When Subaru’s spell struck, Reinhard was in the true middle of the room avoiding powerful spells from the awakened leader. Wind, fire, and even ice, nothing could scratch the boy. He knew capturing the ‘Sword Saint’ was not going to be easy, especially if you believed some of the rumors about him. But no matter how powerful, a child remained a child. How many so-called prodigies did he already ransom? </p>
<p>When he followed the trail of the ‘Sword Saint’, he asked the passerby how the child behaved. He was playing in dirty shallow water and shouted fake spells at his friends, they said. And he was getting outrun by a little girl. When they finally found him, he was covered with dirt and flowers looking at them like he was a sad puppy. But they got duped, the ‘Sword Saint’ was faking a juvenile nature to fool his opponent.</p>
<p>This thing was not a child, he was a monster. </p>
<p>The leader thought that the Shamac covering the ‘Sword Saint’ would at least disorient him. Taking advantage of the situation, he threw spells in front of him, hoping one of them would strike true. </p>
<p>Reinhard sighed as he felt the yin magic surrounding him, Felt and Subaru leaving the backroom was the worst-case scenario. Not because they were in danger (he could protect them just fine), but for a more selfish reason... He didn’t want them to see his true nature. Tears clouded his eyes as he imagined the look of horror on their faces. Their friendship is over. But he didn’t have the time to mourn what he never really had.</p>
<p>Without having his target in sight, Reinhard slightly bent his knee to brutally accelerate at an unreal speed. He moved fast enough to greatly disturb the air around him, dispelling the Shamac surrounding him. Using his momentum, he jumped to kick the leader in the middle of his torso. His foot destroyed the man’s sternum, sinking itself through his heart and spine. Both he and the man smashed against the main door, freeing it of its hinges and seeding it flying out of the warehouse. Reinhard used his other foot to unstruck the one trapped inside the leader’s body. </p>
<p>The last dog master witnessing the murder of their leader, emptied his bladder in fear. The sound of crushed bones echoed in his mind, making him nauseous enough to vomit. When he managed to pull himself together, he saw the child on the doorstep scanning the room with his cold eyes. </p>
<p>Reinhard noticed a morning star not too far away from him, it must have belonged to their dead leader. He took it in his tiny hand, it was heavy but nothing unmanageable. He headed toward Felt, Subaru, and Rom when the last dog swooped on him in an unexpected moment of bravado. When the dog was close enough, Reinhard only used a finger to gently stop it in its tracks. </p>
<p>	“Don’t move.” he looked the dog in his eyes, and it froze in place. No magic or blessing was used, just pure intimidation. </p>
<p>Now that most threats were either dead or incapacitated, they were no need for more violence. Hopefully, the living intruders learned their lesson. Reinhard wished so, he felt no joy in bloodbath even though he was made for it. </p>
<p>Free from the Shamac, the yin magic-user who stabbed Rom got up. In desperation, he retorted to his last ace. </p>
<p>	“Aaaaah.” He took Subaru in one arm, putting a blade under his throat. <br/>	“You’re going to stay the fuck away from me and let me get the hell out of here!” the man shouted. “Or else, hh-he is dead!” His voice was shaking. </p>
<p>Reinhard was not amused. </p>
<p>	“DON’T LISTEN TO HIM, DON’T LISTEN TO THAT TRASH.” Subaru shouted but he remained oddly calm. As if unbothered by the blade on his throat. Was he too young to understand the gravity of the situation, or did he just not care. </p>
<p>Thinking Subaru and not caring in the same sentence felt weird. </p>
<p>Reinhard got closer to the intruder, watching the knife like a hawk. The sound of the chain of the morning star's rattling echoed through the room. </p>
<p>	“DON’T GET ANY CLOSER!!!!! OR I’LL CUT HIS DAMN HEAD OFF!” he shouted, his eyes on the verge of popping off their orbits.  </p>
<p>Reinhard was not amused. </p>
<p>	“You won’t win this time… I AM the mad dog, now!” before the intruder could react, Subaru bit the man's arm with the fury of a thousand suns. </p>
<p>	“AAAAH! YOU LITTLE SH-” unable to finish his sentence, the man collapsed to the floor with half his face missing. </p>
<p>Subaru wormed his way from beneath his captor’s body, only understanding what happened when he saw the bloody morning star by Reinhard’s side. </p>
<p>With the morning star still firmly in his hand, Reinhard joined Felt, Subaru, and Old Man Rom. He was aware of the two remaining intruders behind him, however, he had no need to hurt them. He just wanted them to scurry away back to where they’re from, maybe even reflected on the consequences of their actions. </p>
<p>	“Are… Are you ok?” he asked unsure of himself, would they even want to talk to him? <br/>	“It-it-it-it-it’s over?” Felt asked timidly. <br/>	“Yes.” he sighed heavily. “It is over.” <br/>	“IT WAS SO SCARYYYY!” she burst into tears. “THEY WANTED TO KILL US.” she bawled into the old man’s arms. <br/>	“Don’t worry kids, I’m ok, I’m ok…” Rom kissed Felt’s forehead. She was too young to witness that kind of thing. They were all too young. <br/>	“Not-Tristan, I mean, Reinhard!” Subaru looked at him “I’m soooorrrryyy, it’s all my fault!” Subaru opened his arms at Reinhard, asking silently for a hug. <br/>	“What?” Reinhard laughed nervously, how could he think that it was his fault…</p>
<p>With teary eyes, Subaru kept his arms open, insisting on receiving his hug from Reinhard. After everything he saw, after being held hostage at knifepoint... because of his selfishness… </p>
<p>Subaru wanted to hold a monster close to him? </p>
<p>	“What the hell, Subaru?” </p>
<p>Reinhard gave him his hug. Even though he smeared blood all over Subaru, his friend didn’t seem to care. He only held him tighter. </p>
<p>Reinhard didn’t know who benefited from this hug the most. Was it selfish (again) of him to relish in it? Was it greedy (again) of him to want to ask one from Felt and Rom too? Did he never learn? </p>
<p>Rom took the initiative and brought the two other children in his arms. He watched as the two remaining intruders escaped into the night. It would have been better for him if they expired too, but he couldn’t leave the kids alone. </p>
<p>He was so lost about what to do about the tiny ‘Sword Saint’ crying in this mess of a group hug. He was frightening, he was terrifying, he was horrifying. In his long life, he never saw a man do half of what the ‘Sword Saint’ accomplished. It was obvious that if he wanted to hurt him or Felt, they would be powerless. Everybody would be. </p>
<p>But a child remained a child in the end. </p>
<p>	“Reinhard…” Subaru whispered in his ear.<br/>	“Yes?” he closed his eyes, preparing for the worst. For him to finally understand he was hugging a monster. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>	“Could it be… that you’re a little bit like me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>+++++++</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Aaaah.” </p>
<p>Reinhard woke up in a sweat. It took him a few minutes to realize where he was, to understand that it was just a dream. </p>
<p>Just a dream? It couldn’t be, it was too vivid, too painful. Moreover, it’s been years since the last time he dreamt. He sat down and hugged his knee, it’s been years since the last time he did that too. </p>
<p>He tried to gather his thoughts, clear his mind, and control his breathing. He could have sworn he never been so out of breath in his whole life. His head was hurting, his eyes were stinging, his heart was burning. </p>
<p>Dreams weren’t supposed to be this intense, right? He couldn't know, but Felt or the other never woke up in the same state he was in. Life itself didn’t feel as vivid nor as cruel. </p>
<p>Was it a good dream? Was it a bad dream? He wanted to dive right back in, so it must have been a good one. </p>
<p>As his heartbeat settled, he could feel a deep feeling of melancholy rising in him. He already missed them: Felt, Subaru, and Rom. He knew that both Felt and Rom were in this very mansion, but they weren’t who he wanted. </p>
<p>He was so lost. He regretted having this dream, it was torture. Making him cherish something that never existed. A naive friendship, an unlikely family, the right to be who he was.</p>
<p>His vision became as blurry as his mind. Hot tears rolled on his cheeks. The sensation was foreign yet so familiar. He didn't cry in years even though he did a few moments ago. </p>
<p>Maybe it wasn’t a dream, maybe it was fate taunting him with what could have been. Maybe it was punishment for how lacking he was. In that case, he deserved it. </p>
<p>How could he yearn for that dream to be true? He was nothing but selfish in it, he did nothing but hurt his friend in it, and yet they always accepted him... despite everything. </p>
<p>It was a glimpse of a slothful paradise. He deserved none of it.  </p>
<p>He remembered the last second of this forbidden fantasy: ‘Could it be… that you’re a little bit like me?’. Hearing Subaru saying that was the shock that jolted him awake. </p>
<p>That how he knew it was nothing but a wishful delusion. </p>
<p>How could anybody be anything like him? How did he dare wish that somebody else was a tenth as depraved as he was? Poor Subaru:  victim of Reinhard’s corrupt mind. </p>
<p>Was his selfishness endless?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Info : I fucked up the first upload of the chapter. A third of it was missing. </p>
<p>Anyway, I hope you like it.</p>
<p>For those of you who want a good, fluffy ending: Far away, Subaru jolted awake. Jumping out of bed, he screamed foaming in the mouth "SOMEBODY NEEDS A HUG.". He then took Patrasche and rode toward the horizon. The end.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Reinhard is not used to playing with other children. Nor is he used to acting like one. Too bad for him the smothering sense of guilt won't let him have fun :(.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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